I apologize for being so MIA! To sum things up, I was on spring break for two weeks on a volunteer trip, I've been dealing with my own personal issues, and I kind of forgot about this blog (!). But here I am saying, I'm back! I want to make a post dedicated to the changes I've been trying to make in my life and the reason behind these changes (warning, things may get a bit personal from here on out).
Ever since I started college, I've been experiencing a lot of stress mainly because of the change of environment, and pace of life. I'm not used to living in a small, isolated town. Also, I'm not used to the cold weather that Iowa offers. A combination of these factors resulted in me becoming a tad depressed and thus, bringing out the eating disorder that has been festering inside of me for the past couple of years. I struggle with BED, also known as binge eating disorder. In times of stress, loneliness, anxiety, I binge eat. It's something that has gotten progressively worse as the school year has passed, and it has come to a point where it's affecting a lot of aspects of my life. I'm going to be honest here, I've gained weight (basically the freshmen 15 LOL), but I've also lost self-confidence. It hit me a couple weeks ago that this eating disorder is taking a serious toll on my life, and so I decided to put myself through recovery. Let me take a moment and say that BED is as serious as other eating disorders and that many Americans suffer from it. As part of my plan for recovery, I decided to start reading some self help books:
- Stop Eating Your Heart Out: A 21-Day Program to Free Yourself from Emotional Eating by Meryl Beck
- Add More Ing to Your Life: A Hip Guide to Happiness by Gabrielle Bernstein
- Spirit Junkie: A Radical Road to Self-Love and Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein
Reading these books have tremendously helped my BED as well as my general wellbeing. I discovered that at the root of my ED, the issue is that I binge because I feel lonely. Ever since coming to college, there has been this void inside of me that I've been seeking to fill with food, unhealthy relationships, and unwanted attention. Of course, by doing this, I have damaged a lot of my self-esteem, but I've realized that I have in fact hit rock bottom and the only place to go is up! By reading these books, I've realized that I need to work on my spirituality, and my outlook on life. Choosing to have a positive outlook on life is essential in learning to lead a happy life. I won't lie to you and say that I'm completely recovered, because I'm not. In fact, I relapsed a couple days ago and IT SUCKED. Relapses, of any kind, suck, but they are a sign to remind you that you are human and that you will break at times. I'm not invincible by any means and I have to stop putting that pressure on myself because it's simply unnecessary.
I am taking it day by day. Journalling, meditating, and just taking things slow have helped me immensely. It's tough to step back from things and relax when you're caught up in things, but realizing that you are only human is essential in leading a happy life. I've also decided to become vegan. Why? The values that vegans uphold are ones that I would love to incorporate and live by in my life. Sure, it might be a struggle to make gains in the gym, but I honestly think that living this type of lifestyle is worth it. If any of you guys are vegan lifters, do let me know about your experience as one!
Well, that's pretty much it for now. I'm going to be updating this blog more often so do check in every now and then for a new post!
Oh and my current PRs (1 RM) are the following:
Back squat: 175
Alright, peace out, y'all!